March 06, 2007
3 attacks so far... it is my body
well... peter attacked luda again. yes, again. this time it's his leg. he's got a puncture on both sides of his right leg and he's not using it at all. this time it was seemingly unprovoked... no food lying around the house.
we just came home and there's luda with a fucked up leg. limping and injured.
pete is swiftly on his way to signing his death certificate which sucks.
i really don't want to put him to sleep but i don't want a dog that i can't trust even more than that. b says that pete is just jealous that he isn't being taken to the park everyday so he's taking it out on luda but luda isn't being taken to the park everyday either. just ethel. so brian's solution is to take pete and ethel to the park and leave luda at home. i think that's fucked up. i think that luda will feel left out and jealous.
i hate that b has such a double standard for the dogs. such a double standard for my dog against the others. he has never really liked luda.
now luda has to go to the vet again. all because of peter. last time he had to get his two front teeth pulled. altogether: pain meds, antibiotics, and surgery cost $166. awesome.
i don't even know what today might cost. if he has to have x-rays...
too much. all the drama with peter is getting too much. i don't know if i should have him put down or what. b is really against it. i'm really unsure. i'm leaning towards it but i'm still very much on the fence.
in other news: i haven't gotten my period in 2 months. no, i'm not pregnant. i think it's the combination of the drugs i'm on. i don't really care because it's actually kind of nice. i don't, however, want to tell my doctor about it because i don't want him to take me off the medication. i don't want him to take me off the medication for a couple of reasons. the most important reason not being the reason i'm taking the medication in the first place... it has made me very thin and able to eat anything at all in whatever quantity i wish without gaining any weight at all. in a way, it has made it ok for me to be "sick" without actually being sick. it has made it ok for me to eat, eat healthy amounts of food, and do so (mostly) guilt free. *sigh* part of me wishes i didn't feel this way and feels that admitting it makes me so much weaker. i don't like to admit it. admitting it makes it real and that is something i don't like. i don't like to look at it because i control it. i make a conscious choice every day to care for myself and my body. i make that choice to be healthy and well. i do that for me.
still... there's no denying that the thing is there. it lives in me and it is there even if i don't acknowledge it.
my headaches have all but ceased. that's the part about the medication that SHOULD BE the most important part.
so the dilemma is... when i go to the doctor... i fully intend to lie about "when was the first day of your last period" because... well... fuck them... it's my body.
giggle-more at 9:32 AM
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