January 16, 2007
talk to me
the beard. the fucking beard. the beard is gone but not without a dramatic exit complete with tears, a stare down, and much pouting.
but i digress...
let's talk about the christmas tree first. the christmas tree that i bought last year. the one with the lights already on it so that i don't have to put them on every year. the christmas tree that only i put up, only i put the ornaments on, only i take the ornaments off, only i take down... EVERY YEAR for the past 7 years that i've been with my husband. he has never in that time touched said tree. how was i supposed to know he'd start this year?
i hate the holidays. hate them. hate them with a fucking passion. maybe it's my childhood rearing it's ugly fucking head... quite likely... well fuck it... that's exactly why. it's fucking depressing and i hate the holidays. hate them. so i wasn't going to put up the tree. wasn't looking forward to the extra work only to take the shitting thing down a few days later. why bother? i don't care about it. i'm the one who has to do all the work and i don't even care... so i wasn't going to do it. too much work and i don't even care...
then the husband says that i don't do anything sooooooooooo of course i get angry, go right home, and put up the damn tree. fucker.
that's how the stupid thing went up. now it's the 2nd week in january and the thing is still up. well, i wake up sunday morning and it is 1/2 dismantled... 1/2 the lights are off. yes off OF THE TREE WHERE THE LIGHTS DON'T COME OFF!!!!!
needless to say... i freaked out.
i started bawling and woke the husband up. i asked between sobs why the hell he pulled the lights off of a tree that you don't take the lights off of? i asked him how come he touched the tree when in 7 years he's never touched the christmas tree and how the hell he expected me to get the lights back on the tree?!? i flopped down on the floor and bawled my eyes out. i cried and asked why he did that to the tree. why he touched my stupid tree. i asked him why he didn't just leave it the fuck alone... that i would have gotten to it and that he should have just left it alone. he should have just left it alone.
then i went to travel team practice and kicked ass. thank you very much.
which brings us back to the beard. the stupid fucking mountain man gross ass hippy nasty food and drink stuck in it repugnant vomitous beard. yes, it is that gross.
so the husband starts growing this beard... it's winter... that's cool. i like him with some scruff... he's fucking sexy as hell with the scruff...
case in point: he's on the far right. your far right not the picture's far right... in the grey sweatshirt... 
i think he's very hot in the above picture....but then he goes to this:
and the beard creeps me out. it just is too big. too g'pa. too hippy. too much.
i find it unattractive and sexually it turns me off and has been really ruining it for me. so finally on monday i tell him. that doesn't go well.
he gets mad at me and tells me that we won't be having sex until june. that's when he plans to shave it. i get upset. this is the point where i say to him about how i can't believe the beard is more important to him than our sex life or my pleasure. that i can't believe that he would value that more than me. etc...
i saw my therapist today. i think i'm getting crazy again and they upped my medication. i'm a fucking mess. i'm manic as hell and my emotions are all over the place. i'm a blubbering crybaby and i can't seem to control the shit. ugh.
anyway... the husband shaved his beard a little while ago and is now pissed at me for "making" him.
when i try to talk to him about it he just looks at me. i hate when he just looks at me. i want him to TALK to me. not just look at me.
giggle-more at 4:39 PM
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